I am at peace. I can sit here, feet in the cold rushing water, and be in complete stillness all day. How can I be so lucky? Because I have learned to see beauty, even in pain. To live in the present, and all its emotions, and look at the past, and learn how to move forward.

39 going 40. Can’t wait! What have I learned? That in my 20s - I relied on others as an indication of my self-worth. That if I gave        more - then I would receive more. That if I loved until the world’s end then I would be loved as much. In my 30s I learned that every little    thing - EVERY - LITTLE - THING - happens for an exact reason. I learned to trust the process - and the wheel of life. I learned that pain, if understood well, can help us to be better versions of ourselves. And if not, can have the ability to destroy us completely. But the answer is within the choice you make yourself. We all have free will. And the choices you make will get you the life you want.

As I look back, I see why the doors closed on me, and how, what made me choose new doors - decisions after decisions. Yes, I am strong. Because my mind is persistent to live in a life where she is at peace. And fuck - she is so fucking right. All this while when I have doubted my decisions - I was always right. A mistake is only one when you have not learned from it. And I have learned plenty.

I am not afraid to fall, because I have learned to get up.

I am not afraid to make mistakes, because I have seen how I learn from them.

I am not afraid to be disappointed, because know better will come.

I am not afraid to feel pain, because I understand I must feel it to know I am truly alive.

I am not afraid to open my heart, because I know there are others who value it.

I am not afraid to love, because I understand the difference ways to share it.

I am not afraid to be vulnerable, because I know my vulnerabilities help others in their healing journeys.

But the most valuable lessons I’ve learned is within myself.

To sit still, and quiet within the loud thoughts of my mind. To accept - ACCEPT - that I must let go of things that I cannot control. To learn to trust - TRUST - COMPLETELY - and wholeheartedly that everything that happens today, is meant to be so that I can have a better tomorrow. Just when you think life can’t get any darker - the entire sun shines directly in front of you. Life has a tendency to bring you the best of surprises if you allow it to. If you have patience, and kindness to yourself - to life - it will be patient and kind to you.

I used to think I overthink. I’m starting to realize that I just have the ability to see and think differently. I know I’ve been blessed with the gift of vision. It is how I have manoeuvred through my darkness and my light. Even when others doubted me, even when I doubted me, my vision never failed me. And for that I am truly grateful.

It’s nearly 3pm now, I better start hiking down before it gets dark. Thank you, beautiful nature for having me, keeping me safe and welcoming me home as always. I am truly grateful to spend this precious day with you. This is the best gift - the Gift of Life. As I start my 39th year living - I welcome the lessons that the next 12months will teach me so I am ready - with warm open arms to enter my 40s.